Last week, a day prior to her college graduation, a 22 year old woman phoned.  She felt she needed to talk but didn’t know exactly why.   Consequently, I suggested that she simply relax, move out of her body reality, and “float in the clouds” for awhile.  She did just that, saying--from such a peaceful state that she could hardly talk-- that she’d never felt so relaxed, and realized that she seldom relaxes.

In little time, this woman was off exploring her graduation day.  She realized she had great anxiety.   Her first concern was walking across the stage.  Maybe she would trip or create some other egregious mishap. 

Her major concern was dealing with her stepmother who would be there with her father.  Her need to please her stepmother fell into the realm of obsessive, leaving her stepmother habitually feeling manipulated, angry and reactive.  Plying her with a few key questions, the young woman was off exploring. 

She came back with “I’m bad.  I was bad to her.” 

I plied a few more questions, bringing to light the dynamics of the past.  Her parents divorced when she was young.  When she finally got in a position to live with daddy as a teenager and try to get some much-needed devotion from him, he took her by surprise by bringing in a new woman.   Nothing was done with consideration for this troubled teenager.  Since it was daddy’s devotion she was looking for, she couldn’t act out her betrayal toward him.  As can be predicted, the focus of her wrath fell on her stepmother.  But the daughter was no match for the stepmother. She soon got the boot from both of them.  Thereafter, her attempts to make things “right” to fit into family became a two-fold obsession.

 I suggested (in a number of ways) that she wasn’t bad, that she had been caught in a bad situation, and that her behavior was predictable, not good or bad, normal under the circumstances.  She kept going back to, “Ya, but I was bad.”  I kept going back to, “No, you weren’t bad.  You were caught up in a bad situation.  You were trying to survive.   If you let go of the belief that you were bad, then you don’t have to make any amends, you can just be yourself and your stepmother and your father will have the chance to meet the real you…and that’s freedom.”

 It’s majorly difficult to break through a mindset—to get beyond the scratch in the mental record.  The ego self relates to life through those scratched records.  Her struggle was palpable.  She kept cycling back to the same belief, holding on for dear life.  I kept shifting her awareness to a greater picture, to a point of greater understanding.  Finally, she let go of the belief…and consequently opened herself up to, yes, endless possibilities. 

I heard from her mother the day after graduation. Without this young graduate having her badness lead the way, her graduation day was truly a day of graduation.    She was able to, minute by minute, watch herself, self-assess and self-correct on the spot, thereby sidestepping possible pitfalls—any and all potential struggle—within the family dynamics.  Through her own greater understanding, she created her own beautiful day. What is most important in this story or in any story is that we transcend judgment and move into the realm of understanding.  Then we are free.

I saluted her hard work and reminded her that we all have some kind of tapes running in the background, keeping us in certain limitation.  I reminded her that most people who get to this kind of deep search and release wait until they are in their 40s, 50s, or 60s.

This is a 22 year old, only 22 years of age, coming to terms with family issues at this deep level.  With her innate brilliance and drive to be of service to the world, she is a force to be reckoned with.  After all, she is an Indigo.